go do what you do best...puke behind churches
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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