I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
