I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Randomize
