I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
