i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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