i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
