Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Less talking, more tequila
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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