You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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