i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
