I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
