Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I am spending my child support on dildos
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
