Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
