remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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