I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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