Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
