Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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