I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
