dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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