we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
