I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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