When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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