There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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