I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
