Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
