I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
