the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
