insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
