Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Randomize
