I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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