coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
