Please, let me fuck your mom
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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