Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
