You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
