don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
