and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
