Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Randomize
