Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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