Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
