Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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