I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
