Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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