Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I need help removing her.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
