If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
