Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
