If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
