No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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