dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
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