This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
