I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
She's the barista slut.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
