My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
