Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
