So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
