I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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