well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
