Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Randomize
