If that was your dad, he is hot
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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